Who Should Recite Palin’s Trump-Endorsement Word Salad?

On Wednesday, half-term governor and failed vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin endorsed Donald Trump in what can only be one of the more bizarre endorsement speech, well, ever. Here’s a small taste (anything more could induce psychological distress):

Are you ready to make America great again? We all have a part in this. We all have a responsibility. Looking around at all of you, you hard-working Iowa families. You farm families, and teachers, and teamsters, and cops, and cooks. You rockin’ rollers. And holy rollers! All of you who work so hard. You full-time moms. You with the hands that rock the cradle. You all make the world go round, and now our cause is one….

Well, and then, funny, ha ha, not funny, but now, what they’re doing is wailing, “well, Trump and his, uh, uh, uh, Trumpeters, they’re not conservative enough.” Oh my goodness gracious. What the heck would the establishment know about conservatism? Tell me, is this conservative? GOP majorities handing over a blank check to fund Obamacare and Planned Parenthood and illegal immigration that competes for your jobs, and turning safety nets into hammocks, and all these new Democrat voters that are going to be coming on over border as we keep the borders open, and bequeathing our children millions in new debt, and refusing to fight back for our solvency, and our sovereignty, even though that’s why we elected them and sent them as a majority to DC…

When we’re talking about no more Reaganesque power that comes from strength. Power through strength. Well, then, we’re talking about our very existence, so no, we’re not going to chill. In fact it’s time to drill, baby, drill down, and hold these folks accountable. And we need to stop the self-sabotage and elect new, and independent, a candidate who represents that and represents America first, finally. Pro-Constitution, common-sense solutions, that he brings to the table.

Forget making sense, it doesn’t even make syntax. However, since Palinism is all about symbolism and not substance, what if we view the speech, not as a speech, but as political poetry–poetry whose muse is multiple doses of ketamine? Then I got to thinking: who would I like to hear recite Sarah Palin’s endorsement?

After consulting with the Mad Biologist’s Far-Flung Network of Correspondents, I received a bunch of nominations. Below is a poll of the nominees–and you can vote for as many as you like. Have at it:

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8 Responses to Who Should Recite Palin’s Trump-Endorsement Word Salad?

  1. Min says:

    I nominate Henry Kissinger. 😉

  2. Jay says:

    Colbert already did a hilarious take on this

  3. stuntmidget says:

    If only William S. Burroughs were still around…

  4. Sylvester Stallone is the obvious choice.

  5. albanaeon says:

    Too many good choices…

  6. I went with Helen Mirren, but Shatner and Walken would also be awesome.
    Write-ins: Morgan Freeman? Tim Curry?
    Or maybe Michael Shannon? http://gawker.com/michael-shannon-offers-dramatic-reading-of-insane-soror-477144462

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