Dear Erick Erickson, I Pee Standing Up

I’m pretty certain you didn’t want to know that…

Anyway, at this point, movement conservatism can only be thought of as a mass communicable psychotic break (boldface mine):

The White House said the decision to cancel the Washington Redskins’ trademark registrations was made by an independent tribunal, but that hasn’t stopped many on the right to link the ruling to the tyrannical arm of Barack Obama they’ve warned about for years.

A mere hour after the United States Patent and Trademark Office announced the cancellation of six of the team’s trademark registrations because “they were disparaging to Native Americans at the respective times they were registered,” editor Erick Erickson already knew who was really behind the decision.

Erickson pinned the blame on “a bunch of overeducated white guys who cry during ‘Love Actually'” and “a class of men who pee sitting down” — two effete, easily aggrieved constituencies who apparently have some clout with Obama in charge.

“The lesson here is that guilty feeling white liberals are a threat to freedom and, in Barack Obama’s America, the key to survive is to not appear on the radar of in Washington, D.C,” Erickson wrote. “Once Washington’s elite know of your existence and you do not behave like them, they will turn the power of government in your direction.”

Given that this decision was made by an independent court after a challenge brought by a Native American, Erickson is definitely a few cubes short of a full tray here–it’s really not part of Obama’s Sekrit Plan to convert your kids to Kenyan Mexicanism and force them to say atheist prayers in Homosexual.

By the way, it’s not guilt, you fucking moron, but the notion that you’re not obligated to be an asshole if the opportunity presents itself. Your penis won’t fall off if you’re considerate towards others. It’s as if Erickson et alia wake up every morning and try to figure out whom they can offend next. And if you tell them they’re being dickheads, then, suddenly, they imagine they’re William Wallace from Braveheart, and you’re attacking their FREEEDOM! (though in real life, they’re the henchmen in the orange shirts who attempt to take liberties with the local lasses when no one is looking).

Utterly paranoid and deranged.

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7 Responses to Dear Erick Erickson, I Pee Standing Up

  1. “the notion that you’re not obligated to be an asshole if the opportunity presents itself”

    The organizing principle of modern conservatism is that you ARE obligated to be an asshole if the opportunity presents itself.

  2. Dbp says:

    White people are so racisted against! Every time you’re not racist against a minority, it’s blatant hatred against white people.

    Also “peeing sitting down” is too womanly to be respectful. Any time a man acts like a woman you need to hate them at least as much as you hate women.

  3. anthrosciguy says:

    These guys are now against “Love Actually”? Are they truly so far up their own asses that they can’t get it up (cinematically speaking, of course 🙂 for Denise Richards?

    Well that is the downfall of the American Male. No wonder they need to carry a gun to go to Target.

  4. Bayesian Bouffant, FCD says:

    Dear Erick Erickson: I am proud to live in a free country where a man may pee sitting down if he so chooses. Why do you hate freedom?

    Also, it helps to keep the bathroom clean.

  5. Time to re-read Richard Hofstadter’s “Anti-Intellectualism in American Life”, sadly these idiots with small penises have been with us for a long time.

  6. Crprod says:

    There are some guys who probably have to pee sitting down after jamming their handguns into their front pants pockets without setting the safety.

  7. Pingback: Slut Pills and the Scourge of ‘Consequence-Free Sex’ | Mike the Mad Biologist

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