Life After a Narcissist

When you’ve been blogging daily, as I have, for a very long time, it becomes obvious that many of your posts, even if they’re not disproven by the passage of time, just don’t really mean that much. But one post I wrote over four years ago, before Il Trumpe even took office, about my experiences with a narcissistic boss and what those experiences meant for events to come held up rather well.

I’m neither a fan of theories that purport to explain everything (since they usually explain nothing), nor of ‘overpsychologizing’ politicians. Usually, explicitly-stated ideology and watching what they do are sufficient. But with Trump, his stereotypical narcissism has had such explanatory power, one could not ignore it (his bigotries too, of course). They led to his rise and his downfall.

But enough about that asshole. Let’s talk about us.

Once the narcissist is out of your life, it’s not entirely over for a while. One feature of the narcissist is that they constantly suck all of the oxygen out of the room. As long as they’re in your life, they end up occupying a lot of headspace. It’s a challenge to revert, if not back to normal (whatever that is), to a different way of living. You don’t have to think about them anymore. You don’t have to rate things on a scale of Trump versus not as shitty as Trump.

This is not a call to ‘look forward, not back’: those around Trump, as well as the asshole himself, need to face consequences for their actions. And if they do get their comeuppance, after four years of, well, American Carnage, enjoy it. But we don’t have to react to Trump et alia anymore. We get to be the starring players, not that asshole.

And that’s a good thing.

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