Does Toronto’s Rob Ford Need a Defense Minister?

If he does, Paul Hellyer, former Canadian defense minister seems like the right guy for the job (boldface mine):

I don’t want to disturb what you’re doing right now, but apparently four different species of aliens have been visiting Earth for thousands of years….

In an interview with Russia Today, Hellyer explained (as if it was obvious): “Of course, there’s been a lot more activity in the last few decades.”

The reason for this, he said, was that man was stupid enough to invent the atomic bomb. Aliens are frightened that we’re going to use it again (and again) and that this will affect the whole balance of the cosmos.

Ergo, each visit seems to have symbolized: “What the hell are they doing in that insane asylum today?”

Hellyer suggested that there are Edward Snowden-style whistleblowers who have already revealed government knowledge of alien visits. “It doesn’t take long to get your hands on it,” he said….

He added: “The Star of Bethlehem is one of God’s flying saucers.”

Hellyer used to believe that there were between 2 and 12 different species of alien. Now, he says he’s received reports that there might be as many as 80.

What’s perhaps most interesting to our self-centered species is that some of them apparently look just like us. Indeed, he claimed that two alien ladies went to Las Vegas to shop dressed as nuns and no one was any the wiser.

…Microchips and Kevlar vests are two of the other creations that, according to the serious Hellyer, came from outer spatial sources.

He did not appear to be in a drunken stupor, however.

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3 Responses to Does Toronto’s Rob Ford Need a Defense Minister?

  1. Bayesian Bouffant, FCD says:

    I think he’s more likely to need a defence attourney than a defence minister.

  2. Barbara O'Bien says:

    If Snowden had revealed government knowledge of alien visits, he would have a lot more credibility – as well as a steady job in a warm climate.

    And if Mama Cass had given Karen Carpenter half her sandwich they both would be alive today.

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