Tranzliatin’ Peter Beinart

Sadly, one of my most widely read posts from the old site was a post where I used Gizoogle to transliat’ Ann Coulter (it’s the only possible way to read the Blond Banshee). But I bow in worship to Jonathan at A Tiny Revolution who translates liberal chickenhawk Peter Beinart:

For years Peter “Pe-Nart” Beinart has attempted to speak in complete gibberish. And he’s gotten close–70% gibberish, 86% gibberish, 93% gibberish. But it’s only in a recent Q & A with Kevin Drum about Beinart’s book The Good Fight that he’s reached his goal of 100% (reg. req.):

Jihadism sits at the center of a series of globalization-related threats, including global warming, pandemics, and financial contagion, which are powered by globalization-related technologies, and all of which threaten the United States more than other countries.

This is outstanding work. The only way his point could be improved would be to put it like this:

Gerbil narcolepsy sofa-bed detritus squanders Bigfoot. Crapulent snurf machine? Crapulent snurf machine knob knobbler! Groucho lithe koala traipsing noreaster flange mucus. Mithril acne fluffernutter shamus fling-ding-a-ling-doo!

Seriously: in what sense can jihadism be said to “sit at the center” of global warming, pandemics, and financial contagion? In what possible way can these all be claimed to be greater threats to the U.S. than to other countries?

Not only is this funny, but he makes some really good points too.
“Crapulent snurf machine.” I’m still giggling…

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